Yesterday I was been blessed with truly one of the most extraordinary days of sublime perfection a human being has a right to experience.
The journey of our lives is interactive, there are segments of time in which we need to exist in a state of letting things unfold and others when the journey demands a willingness to ‘set things in motion’ and to embrace the consequences. Well, three days ago I finally booked my plane ticket to Croatia. I will spend three months from November to February working (and hopefully writing in completion) the first draft of my second book in Seget Vranjica. I am ridiculously happy, but, I admit, I am scared senseless at the “OMG, WHAT HAVE I DONE?”, and honestly, as a writer, ‘just where is the money going to come from to support this folly?’ aspect of this. (As I write this my heart is pounding so loudly I am sure that it can be heard in my neighbors’ apartment above me.)
My neighbor Andrea lives (as many 20-somethings do) in a minimally furnished apartment whereas I have stuff; admittedly less stuff than in nearly 15 years as I have been culling my possessions for over a year now but still. We have worked out (between us, not with our landlord as yet) that she’ll continue to pay her rent but give up her studio and migrate upstairs while I am out of the country and live with my things and I will pick up the difference, plus electricity. She gets a “home” and saves a tiny bit of money, I have peace of mind – everyone wins.
Yesterday morning I awoke to messages from three men from OKCupid – two Croatians, ages 24 and 34 (the latter also charmingly “tucked me in” with wishes for a restful sleep), and one Italian age 44. The first two gentlemen sharing that my soul spoke to them through my pictures and words (at least one has gone on to read some of my blog posts) and the Italian is willing to travel more than 6 ½ hours by car simply to share dinner, dessert and conversation in English with me. I don’t care how young or old you are but as a woman who will turn 54 in February can I just say there is NO FINER WAY to start your day!
Andrea and I went to the Farmer’s Market about 10 AM. I had hoped to introduce her to my terribly smart, physically gorgeous, ridiculously tall, green eyed goat cheese maker and shepherd friend Max (sadly we got his engaged to be married brother instead) but I bought eggs, apples, the last of the seasons’ tomatoes, some shallots, oh yes, and Cotton Candy (spun sugar, candy floss) made out of Maple Syrup sugar. In the midst of this I quite literally picked up an apple from under a tree on the grounds of the high school and ate it on the spot – the taste of cold tart sunshine spilling forth made me so happy my eyes filled with tears of gratitude to BE “THIS” ALIVE. In this pocket of sublime perfection of beautiful, organic food, happy children, dogs out with their owners, blue skies, cold air, sparkling light, and Andrea’s “life altering” experience of eating Lizzie’s Le Petit Poutine for the first time the suggestion spilled forth from me (before 11 AM) to go to my favorite local restaurant The Revelry and have a Martini (not “normal” behavior). The bartenders hug and kiss me, the co-owners’ sister the same. I am NOT in the league of Dorothy Parker or Hemingway yet they all know I write and celebrate this. Zach (leading man of the dominion of exquisite libation) commented this afternoon that Hemingway wound up drinking in Cuba because it was cheaper than doing so in the United States; he also paid me a supreme compliment that a year ago I might not have received as such – seemingly I am a “bad ass bitch” because he views me as being smart and wise and confident. Zach also immediately noticed and commented on my “lightness” – I suppose such is the result of having booked the plane ticket to an uncharted, yet what will surely be an epic adventure. As we all know magic happens in “the void”. The status quo destroys everything worthy in life except the surety that tomorrow will be as today whereas magic happens in the place where we are most uncertain, where anything can happen, where we are stretched beyond our comfort zone.
“Let life carry you. There is nothing to understand, life just happens. Allow thoughts and feelings to pass through you – not be a part of you. Life is unfolding perfectly.”
The last four weeks of opportunities and utter failures in my judgment (including receipt of a marriage proposal for a Green Card and cash) have taught me one thing – most people have ulterior motives and their transference can wreck even the most perfectly idealized ambitions to leave the world a better place. I won’t belabor the two points that clearly fostered ‘the leap’ as I treat them as catalysts to get to my more authentic place and not regret for what might be lost as a result of my intolerance for varying degrees of stupid.
I made Andrea cry over the first Martini (there wound up being two each). Tears of (I think) being flattered to be asked to be a witness to my need to have a living will (on the off chance that I needed to be repatriated for medical reasons) and then of laughter as my segue was of trying to scheme a bottle of this seasons’ freshly pressed olive oil from the harvest my friend Marijan will have helped to bring in before he leaves for two months in Germany. Aren’t Martini’s truly amazing things?
I know that ‘the magic’ is happening because risk is proportional to reward. Remember and embrace this – there are no such things as coincidences, but you MUST decide that everything becomes as it should be when we trust ourselves and our capabilities and leap into the void.
Go. Live. Fully.
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