A year ago, as both a gift and to stem the constant refrain of “are you writing?” “why not?”, I made a commitment – to write this blog. I have followed my various muses – at-one-ment, mindfulness, sensuality, sexuality, authenticity, passion, observance of the world, beauty, love, injustice, ethics and integrity – and, hopefully, have provided you (the audience of one this was originally intended) with resonance, reflection and inspiration. I have written poetry (again, and lest there be any doubt decidedly not for you) and some erotica (a first, and also not for you), I have addressed some ‘sticky’ world issues (and likely much more in this vein for the future) and tried to express the wonderment of living as well as express the gratitude endemic to my personal experience. Along the way I found a voice, different from the one than I perceived was mine:
“…You have an amazingly distinct and memorable voice. Full of so much exuberance, wisdom…” Deborah Barlow
(Over precisely the last year today) I also discovered that you were not the only person interested in what I had to write. My friend Ken Herron recently emailed me that I would soon run out of countries to add to my map because for some reason (or another) people in a 108 countries have read my words – because you nagged the bejesus out of me!, (thank you) though this astonishes me.
In this year of change you faced down your greatest fear, manifest because your father died at age 44, of dying before your 45th birthday – congratulations, YOU MADE IT! You feared making the decision that would mean an uncertain future alone but found the strength to extricate yourself from a marriage that was not fulfilling to either you or your husband. As a mom you feared, mostly, how the outcome of your decision would impact your children; as the expression goes “the kids will be alright”. You have embraced my foray onto OKCupid and created your own profile and have started to date – perhaps legitimately for the first time – and by sharing your delight and enthusiasm it is like witnessing 16 all over again. You have learned that the meme at right is actually what you use your fingers for when not cranking out social media content on your smartphone (when you can find it) and when you and I are not out savoring wickedly cold, very dry Martinis, and that a “full brief” doesn’t need to be a granny panty and there is a certain power to be found in foundations made of lace!
In the last year you have started to embrace aesthetic beauty, and not simply the words of esoteric philosophy – perhaps in the process coming to understand that without beauty philosophy has no meaning. And, equally important, that “not holding the bouquet of flowers too tightly” (i.e. releasing control) allows for unimagined gifts of experiences to flood your senses. While you will always be a recovering bulimic you’ve expanded your tasting of food and found pleasure – and start to understand what joy can be found in things like whole belly clams and Irish butter, French onion soup covered with Gruyere and authentic pomme frites – and that even in eating such things that there are men who will want a curvy woman over the stick figure you long assumed that they desired. Part of this is likely because your eldest is now a healthy, and beautiful, young woman comfortable with her curves.
Your professional growth has found you in the hallowed halls of the United Nations – twice – and you have been invited to speak as one of the very few women as a leadership conference of bankers in Japan as well as have the potential to truly ‘pay it forward’ in taking the expertise so often applied to executive men and impact women at the bottom tier of society – this is brilliant. Finally, 6 days ago and as result of these events, you came to realise the truth of my words “you are global” and decidedly not insular and local to where you have lived for 20 years; that the square peg and round hole aspect of this city and you my friend hasn’t ever been a good fit for you professionally.
The sky is as pink as you wish it to be, the road as straight or twisty turn-y as you can stomach or might open yourself up to experience, there is nothing you cannot achieve if your powers of observation become as keen as your scenario planning ~ you and you alone own what your life will be, passionately and authentically, welcome to the second half my dear friend. Happy Birthday!
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