I am, by my own admission, bound by a covenant with sensual pleasure. This is NOT steeped in erotica but the experiences of scent, listening, tasting, touching (even with the heart and our energy in the absence of physical proximity), and seeing (even if the brain disbelieves the beauty right in front of us); I am what I call a mindful sensualist. And so, in this 2-dimensional context of meeting new people, sometimes what would be a joyful exchange jointly shared in person ‘can’ (if I let it) become banal. It’s important to be able to accept even virtual experiences with passion, delight and sincere pleasure. A handful of experiences stand out over the last 9 months for their intention and thoughtfulness and how I received them – sensual consummation as it were.
Back in February Christer from Sweden took me on a drive through Stockholm with him. He placed his SmartPhone in the video mode in a holder on the dashboard so that I could see where he was driving as well what the sights were and played tour guide (eventually slipping his phone through the mailslot of his new home to welcome me to his life). It wasn’t quite as magical as the Chicago architectural walking date in which Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves characters take two years apart (in parallel universes) in The Lake House but I was charmed. Equally so when Christers’ OKCupid successor Francisco (a Latin man of French, Spanish and Italian heritage living both in Caracas and a small town in the Czech Republic) turned off all the lights in his hotel room in Bonaire (given that he was naked) and walked out onto the balcony of his hotel room to stream video to me of the stars (including a shooting one!) over the Caribbean night sky, the phosphorus against the sea and share sound of the surf.
Serhat, the youngest of any of my potential suitors at 24 from Turkey, knowing that I am a gardener sent me a picture of the carrots he had just dug up from his garden. My girlfriends made cheeky comments about the carrots but I KNOW, as only another gardener could, that this gesture was based in common understanding of nurturing and caretaking and reaping rewards from the stewardship of the Earth.
Marijan, from Croatia, has assumed the role of Kevin Costner in our unique version of The Bodyguard – no easy task with 4500 miles distance between us physically. That he was absolutely successful because of his focused intention is a stunning revelation to me of the power of our personal energy to influence another, to transcend boundaries and physical dimensions. This is worth sharing, with anyone who might be reading this, in more detail as a lesson of spirituality, resonance and the power of pure white light (not remotely sexual) love.
I have a stalker (even as he doesn’t seem to think that 22 years of ignoring my requests to leave me in peace does not make him such); three days ago a letter arrived at my home from him – he had managed to once again find me. (See my open letter to understand the back story and how our actions are not received as we perceive them to be.) After two fitful nights of erratic sleep where I felt I was being chased and running non-stop to escape I was ready to drop yesterday morning. Enter Marijan. He saw I was online and asked to Skype, I was stumbling from exhaustion and still in my pajamas’ so I begged for the absence of video to accompany our conversation. I had just taken a Benadryl to make me sleepy in hopes of getting at least an hour ‘nap’ thus allowing me to function the rest of the day and ten minutes into our conversation I asked him if he would mind if I took the laptop to my bed and tucked myself in to chat as I was sure that when the drug hit my system I would want to already be settled.
Whether in person or virtually, regardless of the circumstances (carnal lust, comfort, illness, companionship) there really is a vulnerability present when a woman invites a man to share her bed; as such the intimacy ‘should be’ respected, cherished and understood that the energy a man brings to her space will linger long after he departs… Marijan understood this, and spoke of it in both reassurances as well as lightening the mood with humor. (Another former OKCupid suitor Dominique spoke in French and provided the English translation saying that if a man could make a woman laugh he had her halfway to bed.) What happened next is everything and nothing – oh, STOP IT, not that! Intention is really 99% of everything we do, I explained that the left side of the bed was mine, that I would share the covers (as he asked for a metaphorical blanket) and explained how my bed was dressed and then allowed our conversation on other subjects to take its course, and then I felt very calm, lulled by all the shared words, the softly accented English of Marijan’s voice as well as the Benadryl. We hung up our Skype call, and I rolled over to face where the energy of his physical presence existed and my last cognitive thought before sleep washed over me was sensing his arms sheltering me, and his breath in my hair. I felt so safe (no boogie man or stalker was going to get through Marijan’s protective energy) I slept for more than four hours and when we discussed it later in the day he confirmed precisely how he had visualized holding me.
Those of you who doubt that online dating has merit, that you can’t really come to know another person without meeting them in person, that you can’t come to trust and have deep sensually explicit experiences have limited your personal growth. My girlfriend Karin summed it up over breakfast this morning when I shared this experience with her in suggesting that it is the depth of my awareness and communications skills that allow me to experience such. I am truly blessed for such intimacy, the sheltering energy that has been given so freely when I was reduced to tears of terror and exhaustion.
Of all the gifts we can offer friends and lovers and loved ones in the ‘material world’ how beautiful to be able to exist in a state of love in a dimension where so few ever develop cognitive awareness. Our sensuality is limited only by the filters of our experience and inhibitions.
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