Right now, sitting in all its rectangular glory on my living room carpet is a HUGE (48” tall) empty box. Its use is to be expected – to ship two chairs to their new home with their eBay buyer who lives in New Zealand (which is not to be expected). The fact that this box and its contents will soon travel nearly 9,000 miles has prompted me to view it as a metaphor for life – possibilities to carry us farther than we ever imagined – forcing me to re-examine what it means to be human, what it means to have a soul, what happens when we diverge from a conventional path, and in the end who really cares about conventionality? In that my girlfriend Lynne says I am not the least bit conventional this blog post should remove all doubt.
My new friend Momo and I met through that odd convergence of both desiring to be someplace other than where we were, specifically Stockholm, and on an online dating site which mutually ‘chose us’ to share with the other thus fostering our visiting one another’s profiles. On his I read:
“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” – Rumi
Is there a person alive who, in their heart of hearts, doesn’t long to have this level of completion in the arms of another? Yet, as a man of 25 he wasn’t even in the range of men I had identified as ‘appropriate’. Perhaps when a man is in his 60s dating a woman in her 80s it is not such a leap, I confess, I had a very real age bias against him for romantic viability.
My response to his first message:
“…Thank you for your kindness and message. When I woman reaches a ‘certain age’ she doesn’t actually expect a handsome man many years younger than she is to notice her or issue a compliment.”
To which he replied:
“You are welcome and these are facts not just compliments :). I really never believed in men or women reaching “certain” age, we are/were born free of rules and restrictions but then we start following them and make our lives harder. The older people grow I guess the sexier and more mature yet the youth and beauty is (still) in the heart and soul. Our flames of desires and beauty is eternal and never changes, unless we change. I liked your profile, mind as well. I believe you are really sexy and beautiful lady. So what brings beautiful queen like you here? How did you maintain your beauty and beautiful soul?”
Oh, an ‘old soul’ – not easy to put one of those off. Without expectation I was now receiving a gift, what was I going to do with it? What possibilities exist that I wished to explore? What was I going to shut off because of what other people might think? What might I learn (or re-learn) in connecting? Oh, yes, and to remind myself that this man was certainly not a child – he is actually a year older than my husband was when we married, old enough to know what he was seeking.
As someone who truly believes and embraces the idea that every person coming into our life has a message to convey, a quickening of our being that leaves us better, that there is no such thing as a coincidence, and, like that big empty cardboard box, this conversation was leading me to something worth exploring, even if I didn’t yet have cognition of what that might be. What it is turning out to be is resonance, amplification and a synergy of philosophies.
In the length of time I have known him (which isn’t really fair as we’ve spoken in real time twice and never in person) Momo and I have explored the boundaries of Out of Body Experiences and Astral Projection (both very new to my intellectual pursuits and reality), the concept of heightened spirituality bringing greater responsibility to our physicality, how abstinence is infinitely preferable to sharing a casual f*ck because in doing so we totally mess up our auras with people who are perhaps not worthy of being ‘there’ in the first place, how the expansion of chakra energy isn’t about (commonly misconstrued) sex but our mindfulness setting us further along on our paths toward enlightenment, to at-one-ment, with the Divine.
We share, with soon-to-be-published author Sophie Fontanel, a belief that even witnessing perfect sensuality is more fulfilling than participating in something mediocre or base. That in defining and cultivating our discernment rather than simply observing abstinence, in both of our cases long periods such as Ms. Fontanel embraced, has provided us with clarity around our own beings that would have human sexuality expert Alyssa Royce providing standing ovation – he practicing Tantric and I, ‘mindful sensuality’ as I refer to it. What’s more than this heightened sense of self-fulfillment and protection, is a pursuit of elegance and authenticity which has lead me to create (as Momo refers to it) “…your bed “nest”, it just gives a visual message to the future beloved where the magic will be made on all levels and your wise beautiful soul matches your hotness and feminine attractiveness :).”
And so while I battle the impact of societies imposed value of youth and conventional mores upon my psyche he kept repeating that all that was making me (in my mind also) less desirable was actually making me more so to him. Thank goodness physical distance separates us so I have time to process the connection and compatibility we share, and a whole big empty box of romantic, intellectual and spiritual possibilities to explore.